I just need to get my sh!t together

2017 and the world, and life were passing me by, and all I was achieving was an extra candle on my bloody birthday cake {fire brigade on standby} and an ever growing list of places I want to go and things I wanted to try………….a list, albeit with no ticks! Most of my reasons for living a static life in the past have been financial; a single wage, rent and bills took most of my money, leaving very little to actually live with. I was surviving, just about head above water, some months better than others. I remember in the early days after my marriage break up, not even having enough money to buy bloody tampax {no pun intended}……period poverty was as real in 2011 as it is now. I cursed those 5 week months! Now I live with my mom, I have financial stability, more disposable income and a way out of the hole I’ve been living in for the best part of forever. Hoorah……I see the light, at friggin last!

Being single, I didn’t have to worry about fitting in with anybody else’s plans. My youngest born is an independent spirit who ping pongs between me and his dad, basically laying his head wherever is most convenient to him. And hats off to him for that, for not feeling like he HAS to share his time! He goes out when he feels like it and stays in when he has nothing else to do, doing god knows what in his room. I barely see him when we are here together other than when he’s hungry, so he probably won’t even notice when I’m not…………….other than I won’t be around to play teenage taxi! There’s buses, oh and legs, he has legs therefore can walk!! Marvelous! For 25 years I’ve been a mom, I know it never stops but for goodness sake there must be some respite? He doesn’t want to hang around with his mom I know I wouldn’t. He has his own groove to find right? Maybe it would be different if he was a girl, but he’s not so……..

So now I’ve justified myself, I can crack on with doing something that will make ME feel like I’m not wasting a life that I have been gifted with.

I thank social media, in particular Instagram, for my need and want to change aspects of my life. I started following the more adventurous folk out there, people who go out and seek adventure, in particular Alistair Humphries. It was the time he was championing the Micro Adventure lifestyle…………an interesting take on escaping the mundane I suppose. So instead of spending weekends prepping for your next working week, get out and explore……..go away, climb a mountain, walk up a hill, find a lake, go wild camping, go jump some waves, go for a big old walk somewhere different. In short, stop finding reasons and making excuses not to do something different. All sounds fine as a single man or if there’s a few close friends who want to join you, but what if you’re a single woman…………………….scary shit huh!

FeaR

FEAR……..this is the single most powerful feeling that stopped me from pursuing all the things my head tells me I could do. Fear of looking stupid, Fear of feeling alone, Fear of feeling lost, Fear of feeling vulnerable, Fear of what other people think. Fear of it not working out. But like most things, the thought is usually worse than the actual doing! It’s one thing to be independent and crack on with getting your shit together as a singleton, but it’s scary business. As is the thought of spending a couple of days and nights in my own company, with just my head and all those thoughts, brain fart after brain fart interrupting the views…….who needs that!

“Don’t believe every worried thought you have. Worried thoughts are notoriously inaccurate“

Renee Jain

Get over yourself! What’s the worse that can happen………..you have a shit time……So what, you still did it!

And so, I DID IT!

I recently read a great blog post about Fear on Quiet The Hive. Have a read, maybe it will inspire you as it has me! http://quietthehive.com/fear-serves-a-purpose-it-keeps-us-safe/

What stops you from changing aspects of your life? Fear? Finance? Family? I’d be interested to hear your thoughts/stories.